One major failure we have in marriage is the fact that we do not see it beyond our spouses. When the word ‘marriage’ is mentioned, we’re quick to focus on a person and not the institution itself. You hear a typical woman saying “my marriage is failing because my husband is becoming insensitive to my needs”. The other man is saying “I’m struggling to put myself together, I’m wishing I never proposed to her, it’s all crashing cos of her selfish pride”. ‘Him”, “her”, who then? The problem is; you’re yet to understand what you openly or maybe privately made a vow to keep. And like the popular saying ‘when the purpose of a thing is unknown, abuse is inevitable’
If there were a gift that comes in the package of the mixture sweet and sour, thorns and thrillers; that gift is marriage. If there were a place you will be required all through your life on earth to make the worthiest sacrifice for the survival of another, that place is marriage. If there were a school you needed to attend in life where you’ll be taught to keep quiet, sit down and put your head on your locker after you have scored the highest grade, I think that school is marriage. A proud person can never come to terms with marriage.
Marriage, not money, not religious, political or secular positionis your true test of maturity, dignity, strength and self esteem. Failing in marriage, according to God’s standards; means failing in everything. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge” Hebrews 13:4
Accusation has never brought any sense of respite to man; rather, it compounds issues. Remember when you first met that man, I mean your ‘honey’ or whatever; you had a great sense of respect for him. You were like you weren’t going to breathe another day without him. You could stay sometimes all night with eyes open wide because you were thinking and dreaming of him. You can’t wait to get another opportunity to be with him. You could almost ask the wind to go and bring him to you. He was more precious to you than your dad, your mom, your siblings. What has happened today?
Same goes for the man who said at the beginning of the relationship “I’ve found my precious jewel, my angel, my sweetest, thank God I found you! Nothing will ever make me lose you…” My question is: what then is the cause of the sudden disinterest in this ‘beauty’ you once cherished?
The problem is you’re falling out of love. You need healing
When a partner feels like they’re no longer in love can be one of the most challenging and heart-breaking circumstances to have to face. What do you do in that instance? Do you get depressed and call it quits, do you seek for ways to work it out or do you possibly seek counseling from seasoned marriage counselors? It’s more depressing though when only one partner feels like they’re out of love.
SIGNS YOU’RE SICK OR FALLEN OUT OF LOVE
If your spouse feels they’re no longer in love with you or you are also feeling same, some of the signs that can be spotted in are:
- Bad feelings and repulsive behaviors.
- Lack of interest in the things that excited them when you were starting out the relationship
- Always wanting to be by themselves; staying aloof.
- Dissatisfaction at the best efforts you put in to make things work.
- Unwarranted bad temper and in some cases, aggressiveness.
- Loving to hang out with friends more often than normal.
- Keeping late nights.
- Staying off romance and sexual intimacy.
- Refusing to contribute their ideas on pertinent issues.
- Snubbing, refusing to share experiences, and repeating past offences that should have been forgotten.
YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT when they feel they’re getting this whole ‘mirage’ called love choking them up, then, you might likely be hearing words like: “I’m getting fed up with you” or “I think I want to call it quits” or “I’m done, I’m filing in for a divorce”. Surprisingly, there are those who for the sake of their beliefs or things and people they are affiliated with (religious or secular) may just stay in the midst of their ‘flaming passion of separation’ without saying anything with regards to their actual intention and would be reactions if they had their way. In such cases, you suffer what I call emotional separation.
DETECTING THE SIGNS
One of the greatest problems of couples is the inability to detect that there’s something going wrong with their marriages. The inability to watch out for character change in a partner and take very quick and sensible, healthy and harmless steps leads eventually to a decline in marital love and mutual relationship.
Falling out of love doesn’t happen in a day, it is a gradual process. It doesn’t take place by a sudden mistake or an event of misunderstanding that played out on a particular day. Sometimes the event takes place after series of swallowed suggestive pain suspected to have been caused by one of the partners. Some of these suggestive pains caused the other could just be little habits that the ‘offensive’ grew up with, not necessarily an intentional misdeed while some are unchecked tendencies to doing things which really puts off the other. In some other cases, it could be the attachment to a ‘newly found love’ in form of a career, business, child or children, association of friends, social media, whatever.
It is purely offensive to true love for any partner to say, “I’ll stomach every wrong because of the love I have for you”. That doesn’t make you a great lover or partner. Every couple must learn to communicate and reach acceptable relationship terms, although this should have been settled during courtship. Whatever brought you together started with a feeling of love you had for each other and your agreement to be married to each other on whatever condition, didn’t happen in oblivion except it was a forced marriage. Discussing every single suspected problematic issue and reaching agreeable terms is one of the best ways to start and to also lubricate the wheels of a relationship. We iron out what you think could bring a setback in the marriage. We understand that marriage is not worked out on the foundation of infatuation but real commitment and sacrifice.