Let’s examine those things that could make love really sick: They include:
- Familiarity: This is one factor that gets almost every couple losing interest in each other. Like the popular saying goes “familiarity breeds contempt”. When you have stayed and shared with someone you count special for a while; if you’re not conscious to beware of being over familiar, you might begin to lose interest in the person’s uniqueness and attractiveness. This is not like it’s generally your fault, it’s just a way of nature playing the fast one on you. To get rid of this problem, you need to go back again, spend some time alone, get back the first picture of your spouse in your mind and recollect the beautiful past. Make a firm commitment in prayers to God that you’re going to return to the first love you had for him or her. Let this commitment be daily.
- Too busy to hear, too tired to listen: Sometimes, we find it difficult to listen to the little things our spouses want to express. They’re really pressed to tell us something: maybe not too formal, maybe a little ache in one tooth, a little pain in the foot, just something to show that we care and then it’s over. But, busy, busy, busy, we shod it off the shoulders and off we go. We need to turn that around by learning to ask them those little questions like “Honey, hope you’re good?” “Is there anything I can do for you?”
- Someone impresses you better: This is another love killer monster ravaging homes today. It is really demeaning when we compare our spouses for whatever reason, with anyone we’ve ever known or met. Well agreed that they might not be meeting up with such high standards we set for them but we must realize we’re not in a competition, neither are we in a classroom trying to compare grades. We’re in love, we’re in marriage. We’re meant to complement each other and treat each other in the spirit of compassion. In any case of error in this area, there’s a need to make up with your spouse by apologizing sincerely. “A wound to your spouse is a wound to your heart”
- I am the BOSS syndrome: This happens to be men’s sin, but if you’re a woman and the one with the greater financial contribution to the family purse, do you engage this ‘air of pride’? Or do you feel highly privileged by God? Do you get nervous because of the feeling that your husband might get sick and react negatively to you and for that reason you’re fearfully prepared to answer him rashly should he ever come to that topic? Or maybe it’s the man who becomes nervous with the thought that his wife might begin to react due to the fact that she earns and contributes higher than him. Then in his unsecured state of mind he begins to prepare instruments of war against his wife. This isn’t what marriage is all about. You see you must learn to understand once again that marriage is not a competitive ground. You are unique in your own way, whether you earn higher or lower. Money should never gender strife in marriage. We must surrender our money for the benefit of everyone in the home. To be more precise, the husband should surrender all his money to his wife who is the best financial manager of the home. So whether the woman is earning higher or not, you are at peace because she has all the money. The question is: why should you as a man have some secret expenses? Let’s learn to be very open and sincere with each other. No one should seek to be the lord in the family. Let Jesus be the Lord there.
- Careless attitude towards the feelings of the other: One very good ability we must possess is the ability to understand the feelings of each other. Sometimes, one may not be happy; not necessarily angry. Reacting negatively to the emotional outlook of the unhappy one might lead to a clash. God forbid, there will be no clashes in our home. Worst still, negative reactions might lead to loss of confidence of the affected one in the caring ability of his or her spouse. If you can’t say a kind word or ask simple questions that really shows you’re concerned, keep quiet. Don’t press hard on your spouse; you might be having challenges in your family because you pester your spouse too much. You really might be too possessing. Get busy with something very profitable. Another way we show we care is to check up on what they need and do everything to meet that need even before they talk about it. Give advice, never mind whether they’re going to take it or not. Give your best. Give your heart and God will reward you.
- Family infiltration: Your family members are wonderful. They may have been major contributors to your growth and development in one way or the other. But, when it comes to marriage, they step aside for you to work things out with your partner. The only reason family members will ravage your home is when they discover you have lost the key to building a happy home for yourselves. Reporting your spouse to your parent shows you weren’t ready for marriage. Wanting to do what was a norm or tradition in your family without the full agreement of your partner could cause friction in the family. Your parents would only do well to be advisors and counselors at one point or the other but cannot dictate what takes place in your home. The Word of God must be the overriding adviser not family. If you have been giving priority to your family than your wife or husband, you need to change and concentrate on your spouse to build a happy life for yourselves. How your mom does this to your dad or how your dad does that to your mom shouldn’t come into your home. If there’s a virtue you want to see in your partner, do well to politely talk about it and pray he has it. Leave family, Cleave to your spouse. And the man of the home must be ready to gently carry out this assignment.
- Laziness and never willing to work for a means of livelihood: Not wanting to work, is working to kill. A lazy man is a natural killer. Whatever it is that has made anyone lazy, that thing has the potency of killing the home. When a person sits at home and complains all the time of lack of job, yet he makes no move to ensure his family is provided for, that person is a lazy person. God doesn’t support laziness in any form. No matter how little you earn, you should be doing or seeking hard to do something. The Bible said “And these things give in charge that they may be blameless. But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse that an infidel (unfaithful, flirting husband)” 1Timothy 5:7-8. The Bible here was referring to the man, not the woman. We thank God for the women who are diligently working to contribute to make the home survive. God bless such women in Jesus name. Every good man should appreciate any woman who with all the responsibilities she has to shoulder, still work for the upkeep of the family. Although, I must state that the Bible does not support idleness in the woman. She is admonished to work too. The Bible gives account of the virtuous woman, it says “She seeketh wool, and flax, and she worketh willingly with her hands” Proverbs 31:13.
- Selfishness and Money matters: When everything that fills your mind is how to achieve your own dreams, get your own car, build your own house, earn your own money, establish your own business and career. When all you want is your own happiness, then you have allowed selfishness to creep into you and your family. When you want everyone to think about you but you aren’t thinking of others, you are selfish. When you go ahead to take sensitive decision about yourself, your spouse and the home without due consultation and agreement of the other, you have gone the way of selfishness. Selfishness makes your spouse sick, unhappy, and sometimes uncoordinated. Selfishness drives everyone in the home crazy because you won’t make any consultation before taking a decision and as long as it suits your ego, you go ahead. Some things are nice but will become unappreciated when it’s done with selfish interest. When you want your spouse to always be thanking you for a little thing you’ve done, you’re a selfish person. You must learn to forget yourself and move on working hard for the success of your family. If you say you’re caring, it has to be to your spouse first. If people out there call you good and your spouse is going to sigh if asked how true that is, then check up on yourself. Stop making people sick, get out of selfishness.
- Delay in conception: Dear reader, may I appeal to your conscience that child bearing is not and can never be the first or best thing in marriage. Your spouse’s welfare is far more important than child bearing. That she’s having problems in conceiving a child at this time doesn’t make her a barren woman, she will carry a baby in due time. That he’s partially impotent or whatever doesn’t make it true that he will not be able to perform tomorrow. What your ailing spouse needs from you is your understanding. You are a father to her, a mother to him. Your union will surely produce babies if you believe. Delay is not denial. See what God told Abraham when it seemed very impossible for his 90 year old wife to conceive a child. “Is any thing too hard for the LORD? At the time appointed I will return unto thee, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son”. Genesis 18:14. Your case is not difficult; God will answer you with a beautiful baby very soon in Jesus name.
DECLINED INTO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
Have you become a terror to your spouse? They’re afraid of you when you come around, they really can’t do anything well whenever you’re around, and they feel better when you’re out of the house. Maybe you beat up your spouse and inflict injury on her or on him, I suggest you seek immediate solution from God in repentance. I will also advice that you seek counseling from seasoned godly counselors and mature, holy Christian leaders and open up with all readiness to give up the wicked act because you’re oblivious of the fact that beating your spouse means beating your life and is a clear indication that you may need a psychiatric care urgently. If you refuse to stop, you might land in a very big mess in no time. Give up the dirty habit today. Jesus calls you to “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” Matthew 11:28